The War of My Life
by GirlBoo
Summary: "I'm in the war of my life. At the door of my door. Out of time and there's no where to run away. I'm in the war of my life. At the core of my life. Got no choice but to fight till it's done." A remarkable story of family, self-discovery, tragedy, and love told in 17-year old Drew's point of view.


I don't own OLTL or OTH. The title, The War of My Life is a song by John Mayer on his Battle Studies album released in 09'. I own nothing.

Preface:

Drew's POV

We all have regrets that can be measured in small or heavy magnitudes. With the changing of time, and the dawn of a new day maybe we can fix the torn fragments of our lives. Or be forced to wallow in our own self grief. Every day. Every second. Every minute. Every decision we make rather we regret it or not does define us forever.

As I watched my sister covered in blood crying in my mother's arms, I see a life defined. Devin's cries were like the big chorus in every song. The climax before the end of a storm. The breaking point. The pressure point controlling the blood flow of an artery, but it wasn't just one artery. It was several. In fact dozens of arteries being forced with too much pressure. Kind of like free falling into the atmosphere only to have the parachute cut from you. That one guarantee, the thing you know that will always be there keeping you from falling is gone.

Then my eyes veered towards my father. At that moment the hands of time stopped immensely. That's when I saw more in his eyes then I have ever seen in my life. His eyes weren't the eyes of a fearful or devastated man. They were the eyes of a defeated man. A man who'd maybe seen too much at a young age and it all had just accumulated as he got older. If only we could be kids longer. Then reality wouldn't seep in, take over, control us, and destroy us so early on in our lives. I had to look away quickly. I just can't bare moments like this when my father's eyes didn't hesitate to convey the truth.

In desperate times like this children look to their parents for some guidance. To reassure us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Although I am legally an adult now, I still need my parents. I needed them to tell me despite what I saw and despite what I have endured tonight that everything will be okay. That's what they always did until I was old enough to see otherwise. Its been over an hour and no one has said a word. Maybe that was because we were all afraid. Afraid of the truth. Afraid of our fates. Afraid of our own voices. Afraid of the darkness or just plain afraid.

As much as I desperately need my parents to tell me it would all be fine, I knew in my heart that they can't do that. Why? Because they didn't know if it was going to be okay themselves. It truly sucks when you realize that your parents aren't invincible. That they can't seal, guard, or protect you from every bad thing in the world. All my life I've admired their need to always be honest with me, but right now I wished they'd just lie. It would be easier to believe that than to accept the bitter truth.

The longer I stare at the corpse lying a few feet away from me, the more reality sinks in. That discombobulated overwhelming feeling that lets you know you're in way over your head consumes me. When I look back on the many choices I made that have led to this point, the little things don't matter. They aren't worth pondering over. In fact contemplating over my lapses of judgement and mistakes isn't even irrelevant right now. I have no regrets except for the things I didn't say or do. There's tons of things running through my mind I could've said to probably prevent this night's treacherous event from happening.

"Our biggest regrets are not for the things we did - but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."-Chad Michael Murray as Lucas Scott from One Tree Hill

There were times when I saw the darkness that was after my sister, but I could never save her. Which is kind of sad for me to admit. Shouldn't big brothers always save their little sisters? Devin's always been stubborn and entirely way too hardheaded for her own good. Now a life awaits her that she can never walk away from. A life neither I, mom, or dad can save her from having. That theory that our fates are completely out of our hands definitely seems like more of a theorem now. I never thought about my fate or how quickly it could be sealed instantly and apparently neither has Devin. I guess you truly don't have forever to figure out.

Fate is one thing you can't run or hide from because she searches until she seeks you out and the plan has been fulfilled. This night will never leave my sister. It will never leave me. We've all been scarred to the core. Broken like bones that'll never fully heal. Like fine China silverware glued back together after crashing on a hard wooden floor. The decision Devin made did more than defined us. It destroyed us. In some ways it also shaped us. It took away whatever safe haven existed in my family or inside me. I was absolutely sure of nothing in my life now except for one thing. Whatever innocence we have left in us died tonight.


End file.
